Home Sweet Home

We've been home nearly a week, and ALMOST over jetlag. I (Kim) am the slowest to recover, as I've been sleeping in Saloni's room trying to help her get back to sleep when she wakes us at midnight thinking its time to play. We've been totally blessed, having Troy's mom stay with us this week. She's entertained Jia (a big job), helped keep our house organized, and helped us think of and prepare the most fattening foods we can think of for our baby.

Our trip home was LONG!!! India is a long way from California. The funny part is, I've done so much criticizing of India's ineffeciency, but the worst part of the trip was our third and final leg, from New York to San Francisco. That JFK airport is the epitome of inefficiency. American Airlines was the worst airline of the 4 we flew on throughout our trips. And they lost all of our luggage between New York and San Francisco, not being able to tell us when we might even get it. Regardless, home is home. The emotional relief that came with knowing our baby was finally in America and ours, that we could drink any water we wanted, eat any food without having to peel or cook it, and use our credit card without paying exorbitant fees was indescribable.

We had an amazing 3 hour doctor appointment with an international adoption specialist on Monday. Her ultimatum to us was, "fatten this baby up!" She's way underweight and over this past year has slipped further and further down the charts. But her height and head circumference are in normal ranges, so that's good! We're undergoing every test in the book to see if there are reasons other than institutionalization for her slight weight. And meanwhile we're feeding her custard made with whipping cream, butter mixed in with a few vegetables, macaroni and cheese, olives, avacados, and ice cream. The trick is the rest of us not gaining her weight for her.

Her personality is really emerging. Though not a flaming extravert like Jia, she spends most of the days exploring her new home, laughing, happily baby talking to herself, and seeking out mom for cuddles. She only cries when she wants out of her crib or if mom disappears around the corner. She thinks her dad is great, and he is actually the master at getting her to sleep at night. And she's warming up to her grandmas too. Today Jia got to hold her on her lap, and Asha follows Jia's antics with her eyes. Yesterday I would have said she hated baths, but when we warned my mom of the screams she would hear when we put her in the water, Asha Saloni made us into liars. She happily splashed water all over the kitchen, and Jia delightedly helped her master the art.

Again we've been blessed to no end by the support of our friends and family. We had a nice little welcome home/1st Birthday Party Tuesday afternoon, people have been bringing us amazing meals all week and still more to come next week, the most thoughtful gifts for all of us have been coming in. Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support.

Old Friends

It's been 5 years, almost to the day that I flew out of India. Last night was a sweet reunion with old friends. Michelle's family I worked with for the 1 year I lived in Delhi. Asha, to our utter amazement took to Michelle instantly. I imagine an insight to her past, perhaps of a Norwegian volunteer who loved our baby in the orphanage, and now our baby's love for us blond women. This gives us hope she will love her grandmas!

Muslim friends, who took a 25 year old culturally inexperienced girl, and loved her in their family. They taught her how Muslim men respect women, they laughed with her, fed her, taught her what are good prices in India, how to bargain, and included her in their family celebrations and tragedies. Now we all have married, have children, and were able to enjoy our families together after 5 years apart. We were able to explain adoption, and hopefully help them consider the idea for a sister who has only been able to have one son after many years of marriage, and studied Asha curiously through the evening. They were able to teach us how to say Saloni's name so that she actually recognized it as her own. Ah, the power of accent. It was good to connect!

Jia cracked them up, strutting into their house in her sari and bangles, since she wanted to look Indian like mommy and Antie Stacia. Then she hiked up her sari and proceeded to speed their little tricycle around saying she was going to the hospital (I think she may have done too many rounds with her daddy ;)). They send their greetings to my mom, and brother - who they remember fondly from a visit over 7 years ago. They still marvel at how big my brother is ;).

And today we rest, preparing for 3 long flights, with long lay-overs, and beginning at 9 pm. We think Asha Saloni has bronchitis, and Jia awoke in the middle of the night with major sniffles. We have started the baby on antibiotics and hope she begins a recovery in the next few days. Troy is back to himself, ever helpfulf and loving. We'll see you all soon!

Party girl

It is odd, how easy it is to change one's mind about a thing. Poopy diapers are not high on my list of desirable items. But after more than 2 days of no poopy diapers, and a baby constantly fussy and crying, suddenly they are as fervently wished for as a glass of cold water on a boiling Delhi day. Now she acts much more like a normal baby: playing, giggling, and only occasionally crying. Mommy is starting to teach her sign language to improve communication and reduce the crying further. We've seen this work well in other young children not yet able to speak.

They told us at the orphanage that her normal bedtime was around 11:00pm. Last night proved it. We laid down around 8:45 and put her on the floor (it has proved impossible to get a crib in Indian hotels) to sleep. Soon we heard quiet knocking sounds and then suddenly the television was on! She had pulled herself upright and found the remote and turned it on. This was the most we had seen her move around on her own. We quickly realized we needed some type of enclosure, and built one with the bed, the wall, and an upended ottoman. This contained her safely, and after 20 minutes of attempted jailbreak, she succumbed to sweet slumber.

Breakfast was great this morning. When we first arrived we all had spicy Indian food for breakfast. Now no one is eating spicy food for breakfast, only Western food. I don't know what they do when they get sick--the thought of greasy or spicy just turned my stomach. Still, I'm feeling very close to normal. We're going out for the morning, so I hope this feeling holds.

After breakfast an outing to Connaught Place, a shopping district surrounding a circular park. Asha Saloni did very well, riding along contentedly with Mommy in the Baby Bjorn carrier. Jia was our tour guide, using the tour book to show us where to go. The rickshaw rides were short, and the prices easily negotiated by Kim.

Just a note regarding photos--they take a bit more work to get uploaded to the blog, so they occasionally get added late, after the text has been posted. So you may want to check older posts in order to make sure you don't miss any pictures.

Kim here-it's nap time and everyone is out, except for me. I just returned from a quick swim, where my conscience wouldn't let me remain in the water. They are preparing for a big party tonight. In doing so, they are stringing electric wire all around the pool to hang lights. In India, electricity is a bit scary - frayed wires, down lines, etc. When I saw a man struggling in one corner with old wires, and another unaware getting ready to split some wires and attach the cord to the circuit breaker, while another man was trying to get the lights as close to the water and sometmes in the water-my more adventurous side lost out to all the stories I've heard of electrocution. I climbed out. Ah India!

Random thoughts over the days. Stacy is God in disguise. When Troy was really sick, she took care of all of us, as I was held down by a grumpy baby. She ground up food for the baby, entertained Jia, helped me at the consulate, then in scouting out food, etc. And funny Stacy found the lounge with complementary drinks that night. She felt soo refreshed after 2 glasses of wine ;). Our first few days here she had us all sore with the exercise routine she takes us through, stretching, swimming for hours per day, speed walking, stretching. And she's worried that she's not getting enough exercise here. We have nick-named her Scary Stacy because Asha Saloni has been terrified of her, even if Stacy just looks at her across the room. Today we need to change the name because Stacy is making her smile and laugh (as long as she is securely in my arms). Likewise, Asha is also terrified of Troy. She does her best with him in the morning after a good sleep. Then she tolerates him gently playing with her.

Jia is amazing me with how well she is allowing mommy to be consumed by the baby. She braved about 1/2 hour of crying/screaming last night as the baby fought me, fought sleeping, and fought anything else. Poor Jia was shaken, but worked hard on being brave. When Stacy returned from the lounge ;), Jia went straight back to her room.

Asha Saloni seems more like a 6 month old rather than almost a one year old baby - the number and lengths of her naps, playing with her feet when she's on her back, eating completely pureed food, etc. But then again, she stands up and turns the tv on with a remote when we're all tying to be quiet for her sake. Twice in the last 2 days she has found a place to bang her head when she's tired and does it over and over until we stop her. Poor baby. She is stressed, I hope. She grinds her 4 little teeth so loud and constantly it is unnerving. As each day passes it is a little less, but I think I want her to see a dentist - Uncle Q? Today she was spitting to figure out how to make more noises with her mouth, standing up, balancing on her own, sitting down, baby talking-gaga.

Tonight we are going to visit my friends Aisha and Michelle. Everyone's long naps I hope will resort in cheery dispositions this afternoon!

A New Day!

She pooped - Troy didn't (as much)! Again, your prayers must be powerful. Saloni slept and played happily with herself until 7:30 am. Then all the girls went to an amazing complimentary breakfast and ate and ate and ate. Asha Saloni alone ate a whole scrambled egg, half a carton of yogurt, tons of papaya, drank a whole glass of water, and enjoyed chewing on some bread! It's amazing the difference in all of us when one so tiny rests well (we did too), poops, and eats well!

Troy prescribed himself a lot of powerul drugs, which the hotel went and picked up for him. The total cost for the drugs and the taxi fee was less than $10. Hum, no wonder there's a growing trend toward medical tourism! He stayed in bed all morning, but was able to eat the bread and hard boiled egg we brought him. Even ventured out with us for lunch! He's back in bed now but on the upward swing.

Today our baby's brighter side is emerging. She is giggling, smiling, letting me hold her away from my trunk and play with her. She's even flirting a bit to get me to play and laugh with her. We've all agreed she's very cute when smiling.

This morning I ventured out to the American Consulate alone with the baby, all of our precious paperwork for her visa, and a baby bag. She was an angel through it all (a night and day change from yesterday). And the Consulate was FAST. Not only did they complete all of our paperwork a day early, they finished it all within the 1/2 hour I was there! Yeah America - at least for Americans, the Indians were waiting in extraordinarily LONG lines!

We won't be heading home early, as there are no seats available on our flights. This is okay anyway, as it gives Troy time to recover in a comfy bed in a very nice air conditioned room. Saloni has decided solid food is interesting, and though she is not eating enough of it to give her the calories she needs, with the amazing breakfasts we're able to gather enough varied food that is easily mashable to get through every day well. With our later departure I now have a chance to visit some of my old friends tomorrow afternoon.

So again, thank you all for your prayers! Amazing!

Emotional Jetlag

On our last night in Pune, we had dinner with friends of Troy who hosted him here 8 years ago during a 1 month medical internship. Both Jia and Asha Saloni were grumps. Our hosts were amazed that we had just gotten Saloni the day before and termed her emotions, "Emotional Jetlag." It fits perfectly!

Today has been quite the day, and we're all exhausted again. We were up at 4:30 am to take a flight to Delhi. Upon arrival at 8:30 am, it was the same hot, polluted Delhi that I remember. Amid shrieking tears at being seperated from her mommy, Jia and Troy headed to the hotel while Stacy, the baby and I headed on a marathon to get adoption visa papers done. Saloni bobbed between knocked out sleeping in my arms and our handy Baby Bjorn (Thank you Withers) and crying an unwavering cry. By the time we arrived back at the hotel, we were tired out. Jia answered the room door and said, "Daddy is sick." Sure enough Troy was in bed shivering, down with Delhi Belly. In the meantime, Saloni is constipated and exhausted. She cried steadily for an hour - all of our neighbors began turning up their tv's and radios as loud as possible just to drown her out. Her crying scares Jia, so she stayed away in her room with Stacy who is a saint and played with her on and on.

Though Saloni is a year - she does not eat any solid food. We had been told all the food she ate, but we now realize it was all pureed for her. Troy's friends in Pune have volunteerd at this orphanage and they verified this is what happens because it is too hard to feed all these little ones solids. We have given her rice and yogurt mixed together - she sucks up the yogurt and spits out the rice. Likewise she has no use for Cheerios, or all the other yummy snacks we brought for her. Hence, feeding her has been quite a challenge. How many mushed bananas, yogurt, wheat cereal, papaya, and eggs can a kid eat? Perhaps her diet imposed by us, is why she is constipated. But what to do?

Finally, I did get Saloni to sleep, found Jia and Stacy on a tour of the hotel and we went in search of food. We swatted the flies like we tried to rebuff the men seeking to push us into their tourist shops. We did manage to find a popular restaurant, Stacy ordered take-out, while I found a little shop to buy Troy some Sprite, the rest of us some water, and the baby some milk. Coming home we took a bicycle rickshaw about 10 yards so Jia would get the experience, overpaid the rider and still had to argue with him because he wanted more. Too exhausted, we walked away.

We did enjoy a good lunch and I'm treasuring every second I get with Jia, because the baby won't even let me hold her out from my body - let alone put her down. Jia is being a trooper, but I miss her. We all went down for a nap and I got about 30 minutes (yea!), until the baby woke up crying again. By theafternoon Troy was feeling slightly better, and since Saloni was crying regardless of where she was, he walked around with her a bit to give me a break. Eventually she adjusted to him and gave up the fight (mostly) and I took a bath. Ahh!

Saloni has not at all been interested in the pool, being afraid of the water. So I had Troy bring her to me in the bath. She cried at first, but seemed to enjoy the warm wash cloth on her skin. Eventually she quietly began to play with the bath toys we brought, and gently splash the water. As long as she was tightly between my legs she was comfortable. We stayed there for a long time, and she seemed to relax a bit. Now I'm able to type, with just a cry that is more like her version of an upset call every few breaths. She does have a cold, is constipated and definitely on emotional jetlag. So are the rest of us. So, if you could send up a prayer for us we'd appreciate it. We're going to try and leave earlier than Saturday - tomorrow if we can. The consulate thought we'd be done with all of our paperwork by tomorrow afternoon. If another one of us adults get sick (or kid for that matter) we're doomed. So e thought we'd try and brave the long flight and get home to have more time to recover where we know how to get baby food, have our own systems in place, etc. Again, all ofthose who prayed for a baby for us, now please pray that we can take care of one.

Love,
Kim

The Name - Beloved Hope

Well, we've LOVED all of your comments both on the blog and in personal e-mails regarding what we should name our baby girl. Each comment has made us rethink what to name her,and we've changed our minds so many times it's funny. You are all so convincing. Finally we decided to wait until we met her, and that might help us decide.

There is a wonderful, haunting, deep song by Natalie Grant with a line that says, ". . . hope comes from suffering." Troy and I just listened to this song right before we came to India, and it reminded us of the reasons why we wanted to adopt an Indian baby girl in the first place. When we look at our baby girl, she is frail - not as robust as Jia. She has had quite a life already, and there must be a spark of hope deep inside her to have kept her going. We also feel that in life she is going to need hope in the months and years to come.

So, we decided yesterday to drop Kiran as a name. If it wasn't to be her first name, then there was really no need to keep it, as the real heart of the name is "Asha - hope." And yes, four names seems to be a bit much - though we did like Wanda's and Andrea Croft's (in personal e-mail) acronym of ASKD, and the meanings they associated with it.

So, her name is Asha Saloni Dickson - Beloved Hope. We don't have to put it on any legal papers until we get home. . . don't be surprised if we change our mind again in the meantime ;).

We're Hers!

While Jia and Stacy enjoyed the first playground Jia's seen for a few days, Troy and I walked into Saloni's baby room and I spied her right away, sitting on the floor with some colorful rings in her hand.



She was the tiny one, with a pixie face. I sat down next to her and spoke Hindi/English tickling the bottom of her feet. She stared at me. The social worker/psychologist- Smita - encouraged me to pick her up. So I picked up and marveled at my tiny baby. Honestly, I don't remember if she cried - I think she was still quiet. In only a few minutes we walked her down the stairs to Jia's delighted and sweet greeting. She ran up, gently wrapped her arms around her, gave her a kiss on the hair, and said "Okay, let's go now in the car." Unlike China adoptions though, we were encouraged to stay the day, get to know and have lunch wiith some of the staff, take her through her routine with the other babies, and let her get to know us in her own environment. It felt so much healthier and less traumatizing. So we explained this to Jia, and she insisted she wanted to hold her.

We went to a low wall, so Jia could be sitting, and while walking over there I realized Saloni was grasping onto me for dear life. When I put her into Jia's lap, the wails of sorrow began. Big crocodile tears. I quickly took her back, and Jia wide-eyed, handed her back. But now the mourning had begun. Jia declared that she wanted her other mommy. It didn't seem like a good time to carry on a discussion of birth mommies with Jia, so I just said I was her mommy. Since she would not stop crying, I tried to hand her off to Troy to see if he might be fascinating and soothing to her, but she would have none of it. Instead, when I took her back she stopped crying for a minute--aha!--only to resume again with her tiny but loud voice. Finally I got up and walked around with her, which quieted her and she just stared at us wide eyed, fascinated by her big sister's pranks on the slides, merry-go-round,and trampoline. By this time, her age group of babies and aunties had come down too - so she could be in my arms comfortably with her familiar care gives and babies near her. Eventually the trauma of the whole thing exhausted her and she fell into a deep sleep. I handed her tiny frame over to Troy and he carried and studied his new daughter.

We were eventually directed to take her back to her room and put her down for her nap. When Troy laid her down, boy did she turn around and frown at him. This girl can frown! With her face alone you know she's not happy. She refused to go back to sleep. Looking back, we realize at that point she had decided we were hers. Smita got her up again, handed her to me and she quietly clung on with all she had. Eventually we fed her lunch with the other babies.

She ate slowly and not nearly as much as the other babies in her room. A repeat performance of feeding her later in the day warned me that I may be spending the next months of my life slowly feeding and coaxing high calorie food down her little body, until she has some healthy baby fat rolls.

After lunch they gave us some time alone with her in a guest room. We were all exhausted - having woken up at 4 am, and wiped out from the days of travel and today's emotion. She was only happy next to me or with me holding her. Jia tried to play with her a little bit with the toys we brought but she didn't interact much. She watched Troy and Stacy out of the corner of her eyes. Finally, unable to keep our heads off the pillow, I held her on my chest as she sucked her thumb and absorbed her new mommy's smell, feel, and sound.

So that we could have lunch with the staff, they took her for her nap - she was not happy to be handed off to an Auntie, whimpering as she was taken. Sadly, I could not think of much to ask or say to the staff - my mind was pre-occupied, though I know they were instrumental in helping to raise her the first year of her life. Luckily Jia was in fine spirits and regaled them all with her talking, and gave them a good idea of who Saloni had for a big sister. And again, they let us go back to the guest room to rest - Jia was asleep in 5 minutes! Stacy stayed with her (we are SO HAPPY we brought Stacy with us!!!), and we were able to go meet the Foster Mom that Saloni lived with from 2 months to 6 months old. Again, not much to say but happy to see her. She didn't have any insights on Saloni, as she was "too young - babies don't do much then." Anyway, we thanked her for her care of our baby during those young months, took some pictures, and she was off.

Finally we woke Jia up for the departing ceremony, and they brought in Saloni. She hadn't slept a wink. She grasped on hard to me again, and fell asleep promptly. We were hers! All the staff were amazed at how she just nuzzeled into me. So was I! Your prayers are powerful - that's all I have to say!

We finally headed back to our hotel. For the next several hours, she would not tolerate being moved even slightly away from me to readjust, and I certainly could not put her down. She was not interested in playing or anything else, just being close. So, again I laid her on my chest and rested. She happily sucked her thumb, eyes open, absorbing. We could hear Jia's delighted squeals from the pool below, where Stacy was keeping her entertained.

Troy and I eventually got all of us changed into swimsuits and headed down to the pool. She was fascinated by everyone, but not at all interested in having more than the tips of her feet in the water. And then she seemed to wake up.

When we brought her back to our room, she sat on the floor and happily played with all of her toys with Jia. And Jia was delighted to get to play with her. We saw her crawl a little, and she even made her first sounds outside of crying. She was going to be okay!

But were we exhausted! I hardly made it through our ordered-in dinner, and sent Troy off to the store to buy more baby food and dish soap. By the time he was back, Saloni was in bed with me (I found out that they don't have cribs at this hotel), screaming bloody murder. Uh-oh, now what? She finally quieted when I cradled her close and sang. She must have just been exhausted, because when I finally laid her down with her drooping eyes she slept from 8 pm to 6 am! And we ALL slept! Ahh-thank you God!